Life is A Beautiful Struggle

 Well, I’m just taking a break from the craziness of school. It’s so ridiculously hard; it’s insane and hard to keep up. Forget Thanksgiving break (we get a lousy TWO DAY break). I want Christmas Break to get here so bad so I can just relax and not stress out about relaxing. Anyway, here goes:

                 

  {One.}

You were my best friend and I fell for you. I fell for you and you left. You were the only one that kept me going after all the craziness for three years: throughout my parents divorce  and the boys who came into my life and broke my heart, and throughout the crazy drama that kept finding me even if I wasn’t the one who started it. You cared about me and I trusted you. It takes a lot of hurdles just to allow me to trust someone and for some reason, I didn’t have to jump through hoops just to allow my heart to say “it’s okay” just to open up to you. And then suddenly, you just leave. Just like every person that I’ve trusted has left. You went to college four hours away and now? Now you don’t even say as much as a single word to me. Not even a “Hi, I haven’t talked to you in forever. How are you?” text. Nothing. Just like wind. So now, here I am. In a big school where I barely know anyone, and wishing I had you here so you could make me laugh and just get me through one more thing. But now you have a girlfriend. And she’s beautiful. She’s probably the one that’s laughing at your silly sense of humor and having a blast with you. But in some twisted way, I’m okay with it. Because maybe, just maybe, deep down inside, if you’re happy, then maybe I will be too.             

{two.}

In the end, it’s still the best to wait for the one we want rather than settle for what’s available. It’s still best to wait for the one you love rather than to settle for the one who’s around. It’s still best to wait for the right person, because life’s too short to waste it on the wrong one.

                        

{three.}

People think they know you. They think they know how you’re handling a situation. But the truth is, no one knows. No one knows what happens after you leave them, when you’re lying in bed or sitting over your breakfast alone and all you wanna do is cry or scream. They don’t know what’s going on inside your head- the mind-numbing cocktail of anger and sadness and guilt. This isn’t their fault. They don’t know you. And so they pretend and they say that you’re doing great when you’re really not. And this makes everybody feel better. Everybody but you.

                 

{four.}

Sometimes, I think that we waste our words, we waste our moments and we don’t take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have the chance.

                    

{five.}

I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I just know I want to do it. I want to see my world. I want to meet every single person breathing on this earth. I want to give everyone a hug or a handshake and I want to make someone’s life a little easier. I want to be different than the people I know because that’s what makes us beautiful. I want to be ridiculous before I die. But mostly, I don’t want regrets.

                    

{six.}

I think a guy becomes friends with a girl and vice versa because they’re both attracted to each other when they first meet. If they weren’t attracted to each other, they would never have given each other a second look.

                             

{seven.}

You have no idea how much I want to send you a simple text message, to see how you’ve been and what’s new in your life. Late at night, I find myself typing the words into my phone, but I’m too afraid to send it. Mostly, because you’ve moved on with your life, while I’m still sitting here going through the exact same motions.

                              

{eight.}

Sometimes, I wish I could trade places with a boy. Just for a day. I could just ignore the drama, the judgements, the “girl problems”, the mood swings, and most of all, the heartache. I could chill with the boys and not have a care in the wold. Guys, on the other hand, could see how it feels to be called terrible names, and what it feels like to see the boy you adore with another girl. Honestly, I don’t think a boy could survive in the life of a girl.

          

{nine.}

Every girl is going to love a guy who will never love them back. As she sits there crying because he will never want her, she doesn’t realize that across town, there’s a boy thinking of her. A boy who would give anything to see her smile, make her laugh or kiss her in the rain. A boy who will never make her cry because he doesn’t want her. But she will forever be chasing the boy who will never love her, instead of giving her heart to the one who deserves it. 

                                    

{ten.}

I want to be the girlfriend. Not the friend. Not the confidant. Not the other woman. Not the friend with benefits. And certainly not the second choice. I want to be the one who’s loved, held, and who gets the phone calls at night and the cute surprises, the kisses on the forehead and the “I miss you’s.” I want it all.

              

{eleven.}

Your friends are your release; they’re the one you have the most fun with. And yet, when the going gets tough, those people turn around. And suddenly, they’re just not making you laugh. They’re being this rock and giving you all their advice, even though you’re so much your own person. If you dissect yourself, I guarantee you, all your friends are in there. Their influence is incredible. They’re the people whom you need most in your life. 

                    

{twelve.}

It’s the people who hug you and never want to let go. The people who you haven’t seen for months, but nothing has changed at all. The people who give to you more than you give to them. The people who truly understand who you really are. The people who you cry about. The people you live for. The people in your photographs that have light genuinely shining through their eyes and their smile. The people that take your breath away.

                              

{thirteen.}

I shouldn’t need anyone but myself. I shouldn’t want anyone, but nevertheless, I want you. I want you in a hundred different ways.

                   

{fourteen.}

The best advice I ever got from my mother. She said to me one day: “Never follow your head, darling. The head thinks with logic. And logic has no place in true love.

          

{fifteen.}

Most girls say that they want a fairy tale. But that’s not what I want. I want someone who will make fun of me and laugh at my jokes. Even if they’re stupid. Someone who will wrestle with me and not let me win because I’m a girl. Yeah, riding off into the sunset would be nice, but playing thumb war with you seems so much better.

{sixteen.}

I’ll never understand why I wasn’t given what I deserved when it came to guys. Or why he never stuck around. I’ll never understand why best friends leave when they tell you they never will. I’ll never understand why people grow apart, and when you talk once, you miss them so much, it’s unreal. I’ll never understand why people judge people based on their appearances. I’ll never understand why you can feel so close to a person and be a million miles apart. I’ll never understand how I can miss a person this much. I’ll never understand why my family can’t be perfect. I’ll never understand why I keep going back time after time, even when he’s gone. I’ll never understand why my life can’t be simple. I’ll never understand why I love you.

                

{seventeen.}

I’m not sure much and I always struggle to explain the way I feel. I don’t open up to anyone and I keep my heart locked away. But somehow, you made it leap out of my chest. Somehow, you get me to tell you my deepest, darkest secrets. And somehow, I might have fallen for you.

           

{eighteen.}

After awhile, you learn that you don’t need anyone else in order to survive. No one is ever going to always be there, no matter what they say or what they promise. You just gotta suck it up and accept it.

                        

{nineteen.}

It’s completely impossible to find a guy who won’t hurt you. So instead, go for the guy who will make the pain worthwhile.

{twenty.}

” ‘What’ and ‘if’ are two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together, side-by-side, and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life; “What if?” 

I don’t know how your story ended, but I know if what you felt was love- true love- then it’s never too late. If it was true then, then why wouldn’t it be true now? You only need the courage to follow your heart.

I don’t know what a love like that feels like. A love to leave loved ones for; a love to cross oceans for, but I’d like to believe if I ever felt it, I’d have the courage to seize it. I hope that you had that courage to seize it, Claire. And if you didn’t, I hope that one day, you will.” ~Letters to Juliet